When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
