____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
