Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
