so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
