Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
