I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
