I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
