I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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