she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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