You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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