So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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