I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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