Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
