the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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