duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
