Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
