That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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