Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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