Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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