you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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