you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
