Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
