hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
