I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
