gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
