Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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