The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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