The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
