Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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