That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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