did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
