Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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