If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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