she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
