Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
