dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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