Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
