My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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