Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
