when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
