I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
