with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
