kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
