Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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