It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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