I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
