im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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