I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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