just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just invented taco cereal.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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