I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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