all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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