She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
