life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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