Just fell off a train. Bad.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
