Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
