Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
