i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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