You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
