You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
