Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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