What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
