I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
PANTIES FOUND
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
