can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
