I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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