don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize