Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
