Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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